Buh Bye 2019.

“Poking Around” Acrylic on wooden panel, 2019. (Sold)

“Spent 18 hours waiting stoned for space.

I spent the same 18 hours in the same damn place

I'm on a road shaped like a figure 8

I'm going nowhere, but I'm guaranteed to be late.”

-”interstate 8” by Modest Mouse

Greetings strangers. It has been months since I have written a blog piece but I have done a lot this year to reflect on so I feel passionate about writing this post. I had no idea where to begin because this year started out a bit rocky but I definitely had a smooth landing. Here is my list of losses and triumphs for 2019. 

I had to make some cuts with friends this past year and this is something that I seem to struggle with from time to time. I have tons of friends. I am a good friend, but sometimes you have to ask yourself whether or not this person is still adding to your life or taking away from it. This doesn’t mean you have to look back on these people with disgust. I think we tend to cancel people a lot in today’s world but if we truly cancelled everyone and their work where would we be. Every artistic, scientific and mind blowing phenomenon has come from people in history that had some talent but also some shame. We are only human after all. So, when losing a pal I try to embrace it for what it is. I would be lying if I didn’t say some of the people I cut out of my life weren’t brilliant to me at times and I can appreciate the roles they played in my life. Do I cut their faces out of all my photos and throw them in the trash? No! I just get sad for a moment but I think that is pretty healthy. 

I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called Lichen Planus. It was due to the fact that I already have hypothyroidism and started doing the keto diet and it worked at first.  I lost thirty-five pounds dudes, but I was sick looking and didn’t feel great. My hair was falling out and the lichen planus was causing my mouth to break out in severe ulcers. Finally, after a couple dental and oral surgeon appointments they did a biopsy and found out it is lichen planus. I found out that lichen planus is caused when your body is mad. My body got mad at me for losing weight. Isn't  that just fucking hilarious! Also, I was told when it stops flaring up it can be triggered again and return on my skin or in my vagina! So luckily I had it in my mouth I guess? Can you imagine ulcers in your vagina? Boy does that sound fun!

I stopped keto after that in the spring and went full vegan for two months and all of the lichen planus cleared up. Isn’t that wild? I gained back some weight but I feel happy and energized again. It was a huge lesson for me that all of our bodies are different and beautiful. Someone else’s physical appearance is their own and none of your business so worry about yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. I still do intermittent fasting which still helps but sorry, keto was not for me. Diets aren’t for everyone. What a concept?! 

I lost the ability to stay vegan. It is very hard to be vegan if you perform most nights, make artwork, try to fit a work out in most days, have a relationship, a dog and a day job at a reproductive health clinic. You would have a hard time meal prepping too so fuck off kindly. How do people not get sick of meal preps. The same thing every day for a week? DUDE, I just can’t. Most days I eat vegetarian and every once in a while I have fish but man does my digestion feel better. If you are looking for a good read to kick you in the butt to stop eating animal products, I recommend "Eating Animals." It ruined a lot for me and I don’t even know how I still eat fish. It is terrible but I am trying y’all. I can’t call myself a pesca-egg-dairy-tarian because that is just annoying. 

I got diagnosed with severe anxiety, I already had severe anxiety and depression off and on for years but I went through a very toxic living situation this year too. I could write paragraphs about it but it is not worth the time. Looking back on it, everything was just really sad and unfortunate and sometimes people are just trying to survive. It did burn some bridges but what can you do? I lived in this house for six years though and was forced by the living situation to break the lease and move out. That was not how I planned to leave a house full of memories right out of college but it was my first house right out of college. Gross right? I did start to convince myself I was going to die in that house. I don’t know why but everyone around me was moving so much faster with their lives. Living in that house aside from the living situation was a mind-fuck and I am glad I am out. After moving out my partner and I moved into a new apartment that is now $350 more than our old rent. It triggered some severe panic attacks because I just couldn’t keep my head above water. I was taking out my stress on my partner and he was more than amazing. I had a melt down one night that was so bad it convinced me to go to a doctor for my mental state. That is when I went on zoloft and it changed my life. 

If you have read my past blogs you know I was always on some pill for my ADHD and what have you for a long time. I felt like I was throwing in the towel going back on medication for mental health but it had to be done. My sister influenced me that zoloft was the key to helping her so I thought I would try it too. My doctor said siblings tend to have similar reactions to medications. It was insane the first two weeks adjusting to it.  I won’t lie, I felt strung the fuck out dude but I did feel less anxiety and that was helping. It was crazy learning that my problem was anxiety mostly and not depression. I learned this mostly by seeing how I was improving in my daily tasks. I used to suck at drawing blood at my dayjob because I was so worried about hurting the person. Zoloft helped me give less fucks and let me know it just had to be done and it is going to hurt but they asked for it. This was the same for my stand up comedy and art. I got even better at confronting people without feeling bad. If I failed at something it wasn’t the end of the world and I can now sit through a baseball game with my partner and not be anxiously waiting for it to be over. More patience for myself, my friends and family. 

Getting on Zoloft helped me have the patience to walk into the yoga studio by my house and take the plunge. It was amazing. I will be honest, I used to think yoga seemed like it was not a work out and boy was I wrong. I take full shame on this. I have not worked that hard in a minute. I still run and stuff but hot yoga is my jam now! I feel insanely rejuvenated after. Every class has helped me flow through my stress and worries each day. My partner comes with me too! We are the couple I used to hate!  There is a cute hot yoga studio right by my house called Better Buzz and what an amazing community to tap into. Truly helps with my stand up comedy in many ways too. I am so relaxed lately it just feels wonderful. I literally am waking up to go to 6:00 am classes sometimes. I never thought I'd do that.

My stand up comedy has reached an amazing place. I now run two successful shows in Denver and I am getting steadily booked. I feel comfortable on stage and have stretched my time to forty-five minutes dude! I have been headlining and featuring more. I performed in multiple states this year and even went all the way to Alaska. I feel fierce and funny. It is the best. 

My art career has really taken off. It is strange to think I almost felt done with it years ago but I think I just needed to take some time off making art and just working on my own voice. I re-entered the art game and have been slanging art for many. Part of the reason I think I am doing well is I started taking myself seriously about what I am worth. This still does not mean I am out here selling paintings for $1000+. I just know my audience. I know my audience on stage and in my art. It’s like when you watch a person go up at an open mic and start doing jokes in the style of someone they admire but they aren’t truly talking from their own point of view. I thought I was ready for graduate program in art school and got turned down on a rec letter because an old mentor knew I wasn’t ready and she was right. I was making art for other people not myself and all of it wasn’t what you would call a body of work. It looked like a bunch of assignments. I see this in stand up comedy too. People think they are ready for certain gigs and what have you when they just aren’t. They are not wrong for asking but I think when you ask you learn your place and hopefully get better. If you don’t get better, just quit cause neither of these places of work owe you anything. Nobody is going to buy artwork that they don’t like and nobody is going to laugh if they don’t think you are funny. It is important to check in with yourself and grow from where you are receiving the best feedback.

 Now, when someone commissions art from me they usually know what my portfolio looks like and thus they get a sense of what their commissions will be. I also stay affordable because most people are middle class or below. Most people are the people I want to make art for and laugh. I am not out here making art for the one percent.  

By working with people on budgets and creating affordable shows, merch and art you represent yourself beautifully because those people are going to rave about how easy and cool it was to invest in your work. The more products you sell the more people that have your shit to rock in their homes and stuff. Sure it would be cool to price my work at a higher rate but I want to appeal and be supported by people that represent me as well. That also goes in hand with comedy, I used to try to impress the *cool kids* sometimes but the people that laugh at my jokes are nerds and lots of women. That is cool because women are the higher population but also taking over the world and will probably always want the nerds for their offspring. I am joking but I do think leaning into what you think is cool and the people that support you is the way to go. 

My partner, Brad and I are living happily in our little apartment with my dog, Diego aka Baba! It just feels good to have a partner that truly supports every move I make and checks me when I am being a diva. I love him so much and here are just a few amazing things he has done. He brings my stuff I forget at home to work, warms up the car and takes the ice off if he is there when I am rushing to work, literally shows up to the brewery to set up the showroom for me since I work all day so I can have a meal before going back out and hosting a show again. He adopted Diego as his own so now Diego has two dog parentals. He grocery shops and cleans, he embraces all of my friends and family with love. Brad makes me laugh very hard all the time. He adapts well and loves to learn how to do things thus now we cook and go to yoga together. He texts me before every stand up comedy show to tell me to break a leg and if he is there he always high fives me and tells me I am great after. I love him and I am so lucky to have him. 

Some cool achievements I did this year are getting to be a part of the AlaskaB4UDie Festival, Southwest Chief Bicycle and Comedy Festival, Highplains Comedy Festival and performing on some amazing shows like The Grawlix, 50 First Jokes, Mentalpause, Chatterbox, Tomorrow! With Ron Lynch, all of the patio shows I cohosted with Brad at Call to Arms Brewing Company, all the shows I headlined and getting to do the Lady2Lady, Unsent and I Don’t Think So Honey podcasts. I got to be in a short horror film, 666 Crimson Ave which is available to rent and buy on Amazon! I also just won the Live version of Drunk History, Harry Potter themed in Denver. These were all amazing and fun experiences. 

This is pretty much it and all I have to say. It overall was a very productive year and I can’t wait to see what 2020 has to offer. I love you all and hopefully I will write another one of these sooner than later. Have an amazing new year. 

Katie Bowman